(no subject)

Jul. 26th, 2017 11:51 pm
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
Nothing much new to report aside from my brain's asinine refusal to produce new words and re-reading old ones instead.

I did apply for the Graywolf internship, sent it off this morning.

This morning I went to Coco's to work, had horrible bowel movements, at the tail end of which Jose called to see if I was down to join a Lugia raid, and of course I was. Four raids in, I've got a Lugia and another Articuno.

Latter half of the day, after a two hour nap (WHY) I started outlining the analysis for the final novel, which I'm excited about. I'm gonna sleep with the CPAP tonight and see if I can concentrate better tomorrow. The deadline looms. I'm vaguely terrified.

The walk up and down Blaine Street feels shorter, although I'm sure it is still taking me the same amount of time (I walked out around 8.30 and got back around 10; 1 and a half hours seems pretty normal for me on that stretch). This makes me wonder if I should try to up my game a little and do a little jog instead of brisk walking. It is kind of harder to play Pokemon Go while jogging though.

ETA: OH! My new phone arrived! I still can't get the SIM cards out of my Xiaomi because I don't have a pin strong enough (I don't really have any earring studs I'm willing to sacrifice) but it's here!

"You get nothing!"

Jul. 25th, 2017 02:26 am
rosefox: A cartoon figure slipping toward a gaping hole in the paper. (slipping)
[personal profile] rosefox
I'm having one of those "parenting is so hard, when does it stop being hard, oh right, never" days.

I was watching Kit play on their own and glumly thinking that happy Kit is independent and only wants parents when they're sad. Then they toddled over and handed me a stuffed fox, just because. So I know that what I'm feeling is just a feeling and has very little to do with reality. But it's still a big feeling.

Relatedly, having a tantruming toddler scream directly into your ear for several minutes is really quite challenging.

"Kit is so chill," I thought, once upon a time. "Maybe they won't really get toddler tantrums." I was so wrong. Soooo wrong. Tantrums aren't about personality. They're about cognitive and emotional overload. A scream into the void.

(My right ear is the void, apparently.)

(But was I going to stop cuddling my screaming child? Of course not. My ear can cope.)

And now I feel like the worst parent in the world because I couldn't really help my kid, even when they were bottomlessly miserable. There is no cure for the tantrum because it's an existential crisis. You just hold on and say "I'm here" like it means anything. And eventually they stop crying long enough for you to get some calories into them, which almost always helps. It turns out that kids are always basically one minute away from a massive hunger crash, and that rather exacerbates the existential angst.

You could not pay me enough to be a child again. No way. It's genuinely a wonder that kids are ever happy at all. Their bodies do weird things, the world is baffling, everything is too big, they have no control, safety is elusive and fleeting. It's like a fucking horror movie, 24/7. And yet my child comes over and smiles at me and puts their head on my knee for sheer love.

I guess maybe they wanted to say "I'm here" like it means anything.

I guess maybe it does.

7.5 - 5.7

Jul. 24th, 2017 05:38 pm
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
Well, I took a hydrocoxine last night, and it threw me for a loop in which I couldn't wake up early enough for my liking, and was really groggy. My body felt really heavy, and I'm still feeling the effects this afternoon. But! It was otherwise a decent day: my friend Jose texted me around 1pm about a Legendary raid, and there was a crowd of people when I got there! I feel I should have been a bit more sociable, but I was not trying to evade my dissertation today. And we defeated it! And I got the Articuno! Yay!

My doctor also had good news for me today: my blood sugar level, which had been at 7.5, way at the top of the Type 2 diabetes range, has scaled down to 5.7. My doctor is very impressed; he's never seen such a fast turnover before. If there ever was a moment for the Glow of Virtue, this was totally it. My bad cholesterol level is on the high end, but it's balanced out by the good cholesterol, so yay I guess. I'm hoping to knock the 5.7 down to 5 by the time I see him again in September. My insurance is until the 24th, so that's enough time for one more blood test.

I am considering buying weights, just a couple of dumbbells, for building arm strength. I'm going to sit on this for a while and see how I feel in a couple of weeks. I'm going to dig out some unused sheets and try using those as exercise mats, though. My brother uses a folded old blanket.

Not swimming today; the sky's too cloudy and I don't like swimming in a cold pool. I guess I SHOULD get used to that, though. It's so nice, so I lament not taking advantage of the cloudy sky to go for a morning hike. Maybe I can do that tomorrow!

(no subject)

Jul. 24th, 2017 12:12 am
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
I had such dreams today! That I would go to campus early in the morning, spin Pokestops and replenish my Pokeballs, and catch pokemon and take a long enough walk to hatch more eggs!

Except, I went to bed at like 3am, so this was not a thing that could happen. By the time I got to campus, it was 11am, and dissertating was derailed in favour of writing an application for an internship that I think will be fascinating as an opportunity. At some point a friend of mine came to campus to help me take down an Articuno. We found three other people to join us, but even then, we couldn't take it down. And my battery was dying, so I couldn't play the rest of the day. Fickle phone!

I left campus late, had a late lunch, and then slept for like three hours. Couldn't even bring myself to take my evening walk. It's a little past midnight now and I am going to restore proper sleeping habits and good sleep hygiene so I can function tomorrow.

I will swim tomorrow. I will also try to see the doctor, or at least make an appointment. And I will pay my rent and request a lease renewal.

(no subject)

Jul. 23rd, 2017 12:54 am
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
There are no Xiaomi service centers in the US. Sigh. I got instructions for backing up and factory resets, which I'm not sure is the solution because that sounds like a software issue? Anyway I backed up the phone but I don't actually know what that means.

By some miracle, though, the phone charged overnight.

I was up until very late last night though, so the morning was a bust. I slept much of the afternoon, but when I woke up, I got started at a very good clip, and I think this section is almost finished. I'm working out some more argumentation re: minor literatures, but after this I think I'm ready for the next section. I'm also inserting images into my first chapter, which will hopefully add some pagecount.

Fingers crossed!

Also there is a Pokemon Go event right now and I am STOKED and dropped ten bucks for incubators MASS HATCH YAAAAYYYY

"Close enough for jazz"

Jul. 23rd, 2017 03:13 am
rosefox: Me snuggling a giant teddy bear, entirely contented. (sleeping)
[personal profile] rosefox
Vacation to-do list/wishlist summary: not too bad! Especially given that today was totally eaten by stressful unexpected circumstances. (Everyone is fine now.)

Things without deadlines (fun):

* Watch Voltron: Legendary Defender and do some knitting
* Stroll in the Botanic Gardens (I didn't do this but did go read in the park near our house)
* Maybe steal the baby from daycare early one day and get extra baby time
* Read (three books! in one week!)
* Cook
* Lunch with my mom
* Sleeeeeeeep

Things without deadlines (productive):

* Shower and dress in real clothes every day (mostly)
* Tidy room enough for vacuuming
* Unpack
* Vacuum (well, I swept, but it's pretty clean underfoot now)
* Catch up on laundry
* Celebrate the 1st anniversary of Story Hospital (!)
* Call insurance company about that bill
* Call doctor's office about that prior auth
* Finish setting up Tinybeans
* Remake OT appointment for next week
* Do a family Readercon debrief/postmortem

(no subject)

Jul. 22nd, 2017 12:12 am
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
I am at 8k words in this chapter. Unfortunately that is only 28 pages (including 2 more pages for images). I started at 11, stopped around 2, tried to work some more but left at 3.30. I have to figure out how to get a solid day's work done on campus when I need to eat =/ I could eat out all the time, I guess? But I don't really want to?

My Xiaomi is legit dying on me. I left it home, off, and I swear the battery ran down a little while I was gone. I wonder if it has to do with cycling cords around. I got a bit desperate, so even though I have a mini-USB port replacement on the way, I panicked, looked up some phones, and it turns out that Best Buy carries Samsung Galaxy J7s, DUAL-SIM with all the GSM bands I need. (My phone needs tend to be very simple: dual-SIM, all the GSM bands, FM radio.) The screen resolution isn't as good as the Xiaomi's (there are a lot of things the Xiaomi, by all accounts a cheaper inferior phone, has that the Galaxy does not) but honestly I don't care right now. Might still have to go to Batteries and Bulbs to switch over the SIM cards because I can't for the life of me figure out how to do it myself (UGH smartphone aesthetics are SO aggravating) but maybe this will be for the best? The phone itself was surprisingly cheap so I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I swam at least 15 laps today. Could have been 16, because I lost count somewhere. My brain is so scattered at the moment it felt like if I didn't keep repeating the lap number to myself as I swam, I'd forget it as soon as I hit the other side. I don't like that feeling.

(no subject)

Jul. 21st, 2017 12:58 am
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
Got out late, got to the office at 11-ish, and Emily wasn't free to write, so I had to plod along myself, which was hard. But after lunch, I got started on a really good clip. Inserted some pictures into my current chapter, and wrote more words. I'm a little over halfway of my second section, which makes me happy, and I'm thinking I might add in one more example? Right now I have six texts: three visual, three literary, and I'd like to add in an example that combines both. I'll keep plugging along and see where I'm at by the end of the weekend.

I REALLY wanted to go to the Nerds of Color meetup in San Diego tomorrow, but I don't think I can make it =( I'd need a place to stay, and it only just occurred to me that I could take a Greyhound down, but the times just don't work. SIGH!

Anyway it is 1am and I need to go to bed, blurgh.

(no subject)

Jul. 19th, 2017 11:42 pm
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
My phone died overnight, having refused to charge without being babysat, so I decided, once it was charging merrily without my overnight but taking too long for my liking, that I would go to campus and do work without the phone. This turned out to be a very good thing indeed, because I wasn't tempted to watch it all the time. I've also logged out of most social media on my work computer, so that was nice too. Emily Jiang checked in with me around 11.30 for some writing, and that was nice too.

I still can't focus on the screen, it seems, so I switched to handwriting some paragraphs instead. This helped quite a bit. Except for some sentences here and there, I'm starting work on a new section, articulating the concept of minor literature in relation to multicultural steampunk.

I ate at the Getaway, taking laptop and writing book and pencil and eraser with me. Had a couple of slices of a pizza, packed the rest, got back to my office, and coughed up a couple more paragraphs. Then I went home.

Swam 16 laps today. Was gonna stick to 15, but thought I could push on just once more. I'm feeling, as [personal profile] oracne calls it, the Glow of Virtue, which I promptly ruined by eating a sponge cake. I finished my remaining sausages, too. I haven't heard back about the results of my blood test from yesterday, but I assume I'll hear back by the end of the week, and if there's anything big, the doctor will call me (which is what he did last time). But I'm really crossing my fingers that my blood sugar levels have dropped.

I have been very good and did not text anybody today.

I submitted a poem. It's been a while since I wrote a poem I felt good about, so that's nice. It might be a bit too sentimental, IDK, I like its tweeness, but maybe it's too schmoopy? Oh well.

I'm gonna try to make it to campus tomorrow for some more writing by hand, and I think I will leave the phone home again so I don't get anxious around it. Until my mini-USB port replacement comes, I'll use it as little as possible so I don't keep freaking out over recharging it and possibly aggravating the problem even more.

From my Wordpress blog update.

Jul. 19th, 2017 06:35 pm
jolantru: (Default)
[personal profile] jolantru
After three days of intensive theory and testing, I am now a certified first-aider. I am over the moon about this, because I fulfilled the promise I’d made for myself a while back. A bit of background why I wanted to learn first aid: my great grandparents from my paternal grandmother’s side of the family were physicians and bone-setters. My great grandmother herself was a herbalist and knew about herbs. So, I couldn’t be a doctor, since I chose the path of a historian – but my interest in medicine and helping people has always been there. The interest spiked while I coped with my chronic illnesses and many health scares.

So, what a week! 🙂

"You can't always get what you want"

Jul. 19th, 2017 01:31 am
rosefox: A Victorian woman glares and says "Fuck's sake, what a cock"; someone out of the frame says "mm". (disapproval)
[personal profile] rosefox
Archiving some Twitter threads here regarding cons and congoing.

Thread 1: You are not entitled to be a panelist at a convention.  )

=====

Thread 2: Cis People Please Don't Do This. )

Comments are off because I'm on vacation and don't feel like moderating them. Feel free to share the link to this post.
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
So, because I have no brainspace, I completely forgot to take down the address of the ophthalmologist I was supposed to go see, Googled last night, and took a Lyft to the wrong place. I had to take another Lyft, this time to the right place. It was a weird procedure. Lots of flashing lights and hooey eyedrops. On the bright side, the doctor says that my eyes look all right, no problems with the veins whatsoever.

On the not so bright side, my eyes are still dilated and my pee looks weird (because they have to inject dye into your bloodstream so that inspection of the back of the eye is possible). I have a headache as a result.

The eye specialist I went to was near Brockton Arcade so I meandered over to the pet supply store to have a look-see. I sighed at the dog collars, because I miss Puppergeist, and I regret giving him up.

I got home, had a couple of pieces of chicken, then went to campus for another doctor's visit. And I have to say, while I think Dr. Tran is a wonderful doctor otherwise, the first to take my complaints on concentration seriously enough that he suggested ADD as a possible problem (the diabetes was the first thing he felt capable of looking at), he was a bit too enthused about my weight loss for my comfort. OK, yeah, 15 pounds since I started (late April), but I don't know if that's such a huge accomplishment when my concentration is still shot to hell, and I could use all that time spent exercising and worrying about my food on the diss. Then again, the exercising and dieting is a decent way to procrastinate, I guess.

Anyway, I had to make calls and whatnot for a psychiatrist appointment, and the first available time is the end of August. EW! I need to defend by then! So, I'm kind of pissed that it's taken this long for this to even come up.

Tonight I'll be handwriting some of my dissertation, I think, because I just can't stare at the screen so much anymore. I've got a whole paragraph. It feels nice.

I also finished the sugar-free cookies I got last weekend, whoops.

Poetry: "rebuke"

Jul. 18th, 2017 04:04 pm
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
oh, my heart, you are not okay
you are not okay
lock yourself up again
that was safer
also less disruptive to
other daily operations

oh, stop making promises
that are not yours to make
i know that is what hope is:
crowns out of starlight
and petals dried in summer heat
blown away in the morning wind

you are too hungry to be exposed
one temptation and you are lost
if i do not cage you sooner
you will devour everything
and i do not care
to ingest more poison

"R&R"

Jul. 18th, 2017 04:26 am
rosefox: Me looking out a window, pensive. (relaxed)
[personal profile] rosefox
Once more unto the vacation to-do list/wishlist. A whole week of vacation when I'm not ill! Such luxury!

Things with deadlines:

* NONE AT ALL

Things without deadlines (fun):

* Watch Voltron: Legendary Defender and do some knitting
* Stroll in the Botanic Gardens (needs to happen today if it's going to happen, because the weather's going to be too hot and unpleasant the rest of the week)
* Maybe steal the baby from daycare early one day and get extra baby time
* Read
* Cook
* Lunch with my mom
* Sleeeeeeeep

Things without deadlines (productive):

* Shower and dress in real clothes every day
* Tidy room enough for vacuuming
* Unpack
* Vacuum (or ask J to if my arms are sad)
* Catch up on laundry
* Celebrate the 1st anniversary of Story Hospital (!)
* Call insurance company about that bill
* Call doctor's office about that prior auth
* Finish setting up Tinybeans
* Remake OT appointment for next week
* Do a family Readercon debrief/postmortem

(no subject)

Jul. 17th, 2017 10:25 pm
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
In other news, I can't concentrate worth spit, I swam 15 laps today.

The Zagster station near my house (a parking lot by a sportsfield) had NO bikes today, so I walked to campus to scan a thing, then nabbed a bike near the closest residence to go to the bank and FedEx shop. This took a lot out of me, it seems.

=/ I don't know what to do with myself. I open all my files and stare at the words, and re-read everything I write, but somehow this is harder than it ought to be. It's very frustrating.

Vehicular Ponderings

Jul. 17th, 2017 10:05 pm
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
Because my brain will not concentrate today it veered into possible getting wheels of my own that is not a bicycle. I've been using the Zagster bikeshare here, but my knees apparently hate me and ache when I've been cycling anything over gear 5 and uphill or even just level ground. I don't know if it's possible for knees to build strength? Do they? Maybe I just need to keep at it and they will stop complaining like little mofos eventually?

But of course bicycles can only take you so far, and I have anxieties surrounding driving, so I looked into motorcycling classes, and turns out that there is a course serving Riverside where people learn how to ride and it's accredited so getting a California motorcycling license is possible, too. Even when I was a teenager I wanted to ride a motorbike over driving a car (even as I dutifully went for driving lessons, which were mostly fine, until a panic attack during my driving exam, and then a little after almost running over my own dog, and then a growing fear of accidentally dying in a box).

I however can barely fathom spending hundreds of dollars the way any vehicle would demand of a person, especially on a irregular basis for maintenance and gas.

I asked my sewing teacher about her bike riding experience (she rode a motorbike for like 30 years, and was part of an older-lady biker gang) but she hasn't ridden in some ten years. She still had some recommendations for me. I looked up used motorbikes on Craigslist and most Honda Rebels seem to be from ten years ago, ranging in the $1500 - $3000 range. I think I might be able to handle that? But then, one doesn't appear to take up motorbiking here in the States to save money.

Still, the thought of having motorized wheels that could get me from city to city, something I could do road trips with, is very tempting. If I snag a job for the fall, I'll definitely look into getting lessons, and see from there. There's an accredited training course, which looks cool (and there's a mix of men and women among the instructors) and affordable. It all seems very convoluted to my public-transit-loving brain, but maybe I can do it?

Note

Jul. 17th, 2017 11:04 pm
jolantru: (Default)
[personal profile] jolantru
I think the people who complain that my books are mostly available on Amazon are the ones who are also adding onto the stress that I am just an impostor pretending to have books out.

These people are mostly white and mostly happily partaking in capitalist cultures where gosh, they can go to bookstores etc etc. They forget that publishing industry and its distribution is deeply flawed and small presses often lose out in the end. Do you know that bookstore chains will never accept print runs from Amazon/Createspace? Do you know that they are also strong-armed by bigger and more powerful publishers who flood the chains with their books?

So, have a heart, people.

"The travel-model baby"

Jul. 17th, 2017 02:29 am
rosefox: A zombie from a Nintendo game. (zombie)
[personal profile] rosefox
We are HOME. I have rarely in my life been so tired, and I have spent much of my life being tired. This is non-Euclidean tired that collapses in upon itself. I'm sort of impressed by it.

As usual, Sam was thrilled to see me, Sophie was thrilled to see X, and Alex pretended to have entirely forgotten our names until we ordered pizza and he decided he wanted some. Tili took very good care of them. She also pointed out that our inexplicably huge basil plants grew enormous flower spikes during the three days we were gone. The leaves are yellowing a bit; might be time for more fertilizer.

I cannot overstate how tremendously lucky we are to have such a good travel-bean. They were really clearly Done With Everything around 2 p.m. yesterday, and very polite about our inexplicable failure to take them home right then. They didn't nap much on the train today, though they did sleep on me for about half an hour—it's such a pleasure to be slept on by a baby, and we were all jockeying a bit to be the one that Kit napped on; I only won because J needed to get up to get something and I snagged the sleepy baby and the blanket—but they were generally cheerful and amenable to distraction nonetheless, and as soon as we got home they chugged a bottle and sacked out. They even signed "train" while we were waiting for the train, and they made friends with another toddler who was riding in our car, trading many high-fives and handshakes. They really liked the train trips; we should do more train travel with them.

Next year, more and better planning. Definitely. But on the whole it was a very good con.

"Gonna fall down any day now"

Jul. 16th, 2017 02:11 am
rosefox: The Readercon logo flipped to read R F. (readercon)
[personal profile] rosefox
We are at Readercon! We are having a very good time.

We took the train up instead of driving. There was a mess leaving Penn Station—we had to get off our broken train and get onto another one at the last minute—and a friend couriered much of our luggage, so that was all a bit of a logistical headache, and it's stressful being bound to an external schedule. But I actually haven't missed having a car (or even thought much about leaving the hotel) and I definitely haven't missed being the only licensed driver for a long trip. Maybe the train again next year; maybe not.

Me being sick for the crucial two weeks (two full weeks! June 26 to July 10! let's never do that again!) when we would usually do all our planning led to many hilarious planning failures, including not packing enough underwear, packing the wrong bra, not bringing enough warm clothing for a freezing cold hotel, never getting around to going swimming (after much fuss about making sure we all had swim gear—though of course we forgot Kit's swim diaper!), not bringing toothpaste, not bringing enough cash for housekeeping tips, forgetting that my new eyeglass prescription means my hoarded last pair of contact lenses was useless, and not scheduling enough babysitter time. Rarely has my behavior.planning.agley tag been so apt. X and J did their very best to make up for my incapacity, but we're all used to me being the primary planner, and at this age Kit is very distracting and makes it hard to focus on planning. I suspect that we're going to go home, sleep for a week, and then plan out our entire schedule for next year in advance.

I gave a talk on habit reversal training for writers that was extremely well received. That was very gratifying and enjoyable, and set a good tone for the rest of the weekend. I attended a few panels, was on a couple more, read none of my book and knit none of my knitting, had a really lovely time hanging out with friends, stayed up very late—the usual.

Some of it has been a bit strange. I'm now at the age where my friends tell me about their divorces; I was not quite aware I had reached that age, but it's happened twice in two days, so here we are. (To be clear, I am very glad I could be there for those friends. I just wasn't expecting it.) No one's slept much except Kit, who remains an absolute champion traveler and has taken a solid two-hour nap every day we've been here, including on the train on the way up (and will ideally do so on the train home). But we're coping.

I was nearly falling asleep during my own room party, and then after it was done I went out to the patio because 1 a.m. Readercon patio conversations are a superb vintage I only get to taste once a year. We talked about consciousness upload and replication, which led to digressions on neuroscience, parenting, and karma. Good times.

I must go sleep a lot now. A whole lot. Tomorrow: home.

(no subject)

Jul. 15th, 2017 01:08 am
jhameia: ME! (Default)
[personal profile] jhameia
Yesterday after a long day of doing nothing and feeling terrible about it, I went to check out the University Village free concerts. I'd wanted to sit upstairs on the balcony overlooking the concert, but a security guard told me I couldn't, new management, so sorry, bla bla bla.

I did a lot of paperwork today. I scanned and printed (using the Sproul Hall printers for the first time ever) and sent my OPT application forms off to the international student center so they can nod and approve of it and tell me that yes, I can send it off to immigration.

Lindsay came to get me and we went for lunch at Best Thai. Been a while since I ate there. We then went to look for dessert- she wanted boba tea, and I wanted something sugar-free. Turns out that the store her students had recommended her and the store we Googled for sugar-free desserts were in the same plaza, conveniently.

The dessert place is called The Thinnery, and it bills itself as a sugar-free bakery, specifically for diabetics, and folks with heart conditions, weight watchers and just plain ol' folks watching their sugar, I guess. There was only one man working there--the only one left of his family doing the business (out of 31 years!) and he'd been cleaned out earlier, so I had to wait a bit to get the chocolate mousse brownie I wanted. It was very good. There were also sugar-free cookies, and I got those too (which also turned out to be very good). And a heat-damaged box of chocolates for half-price so I ganked that too.

Lindsay and I decided to go to Ontario Mills for some shopping. I'd been thinking about how most of my clothes fit but not well. I'd been staying away from close-sitting clothing for years because I have weird body issues (also because grad school left me with no energy to care about my appearance beyond professional), but these days I kind of crave short shorts, close fitting, with pockets, things I can wear to go for my long walks with.

We went to Uniqlo first, and I ended up with two pairs of gym shorts, a pair of dressier shorts that almost matched the one I wore into the store except one size down, a long skirt with POCKETS, and a bra. Not shabby. We also stopped by a store with the CUTEST makeup brushes and I just... couldn't... not buy a set. I don't even use makeup that often, but I really want to? I shall make an attempt. Of course I say that every couple of years...

We spent a LONG time in that mall.

I wanted to go swimming, but there were just too many people in the poo, and my period is still going, so I'm going to try tomorrow. But I also decided to try organizing my makeup basket. I think I have been successful but it also means I have to organize, like, everything else around it. I'm now sneezing because I've been touching things that have not been handled in a long time. I had to throw out a bunch of things, like a foundation that was the only really waterproof stuff I'd found, super useful when I did a lot of water shoots around Halifax. But now it just looks weird and ashy on me, so it needed to go. I should test a bunch of the eyeshadow too, though, but my face feels raw from all that testing the foundation and washing it off and raw so I don't feel like it.

Lindsay also remarked on how visible the weight I've lost is. I hadn't really been paying attention to it, since I'm more focused on learning to just eat less and get more movement in. Ideally I'd also be working towards a more toned body but my metabolism and lifestyle and general genetics do not incline my body that way, so oh well. But it got me wondering about how much I've lost since I started the diet and exercise thing in May. So I started pulling out things to wear that I haven't in a long time because the last time I tried, they were really uncomfortable to wear, or I couldn't button it up, or something.

Turns out it's enough that I can fit a BUNCH of old things I thought I'd have to give away. A Lip Service goth jacket I haven't worn in five years can now be buttoned up. It's still suuuuuper snug, especially on the upper arms (because goths always have thin arms I guess) but I can squish most of myself in now. I'm really impressed. My favourite gray skirt which had been too tight for a couple of years now sits comfortably around my waist again, which is really nice. Who knows what else I'll achieve. Hopefully not the need to buy a new wardrobe, though. There are still things I'd like to give away; I'll have things to bring to next WisCon's clothing swap.
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